Caan! The All Dancing, All Singing Pepperpot!
by shadow243ali
Summary: I think the title says it all, don't you?


**AN: I wrote this ages ago so all mistakes are definitely mine.**

**Caan! The All-Dancing, All-Singing Pepperpot**

Dalek Caan had just escaped from the Doctor's clutches in New York by using his emergency temporal shift. The only problem was he was thinking that being back with the Doctor would have been a better fate for him.

Now he was stuck in the most dreaded fear-striking place in the entire universe.

A bar. But this wasn't just your plain old simple bar. Oh no!

It was a Karaoke Bar.

And that wasn't even the worst part. Everyone who even tried to sing were so drunk that they could cause a Dalek to be sent into a violent killing spree.

Too bad for Dalek Caan that his weaponry was scrambled. He couldn't destroy any of them. It would have been almost painful. That is if Daleks could actually feel pain.

Pretty human girls danced around Dalek Caan. One tied a pink feather boa around his neck. Another placed a purple wig on him. Then a crowd of them gathered around the Dalek with lipstick and makeup. One had even stuck a giant eyelash to his eyepiece. And he could do nothing.

They led him up to the microphone on the stage. He knew what was about to happen and if he could exterminate them he would. Yet sadly his weaponry still wasn't working. He saw a screen to his left and music began to fill the room.

Then Dalek Caan began to sing.

_"At first I was afraid,_

_I was petrified,_

_Thinking I could never live without you by my side,_

_But then I spent so many nights just thinking you were wrong._

_And I grew strong..."_

Dalek Caan began to dance along with the song. Well, he tried to dance but all he really could do was swivel his eyepiece around whilst moving his plunger up and down.

The crowd was swaying and singing along. There was one particular man who was singing so loud he was ruining his song. Dalek Caan felt an overwhelming need to exterminate him.

And then it happened. A blue ray of light shot out and killed the annoying man. Now he could sing properly again. The rest of the people in the bar stared at the corpse of the man before shrugging and going back to singing.

_"But now your back,_

_From Outer Space._

_And I now I come in to find you _

_With that same look upon your face..._

_**(Two or Three minutes later...)**_

Dalek Caan ended his song and was greeted by an overwhelming applause. If he had a heart he would have been sure it would swell with pride but the feeling of singing and dancing was a great feeling.

Maybe there was more to this planet than meets the eye.

_..._

The Doctor had finally tracked down Dalek Caan to Earth in the year 6089. The year of the Karaoke. He had expected the Dalek to have killed half the population by now. But instead he saw a giant billboard and he was stumped for words.

He thanked Rassions that he had left Martha off at her home before coming here otherwise he was sure she would ask question after question about the strange transformation that must have occurred in Dalek Caan.

On the billboard was Dalek Caan. Only not as the Doctor had ever seen him before. He was dressed, what he could only describe as, in drag. On the billboard it said, CAAN: THE ALL-DANCING, ALL-SINGING PEPPERPOT!

The Doctor stared at it for a moment before laughing as hard as he had ever done before.

This couldn't be real.

A Dalek. One the most feared creatures in all of time and space dancing and singing in a pink feather boa.

He knew he just had to see this.

...

The Doctor sat as close as he could without Dalek Caan being spotted. It wasn't a bad place at all. It was quite old-agey. More 6079 than 6089 but it was crowded all the same.

Then the lights dimmed as a spotlight appeared in the middle of the stage. Clinging to the curtains as if willing them to open.

"Welcome Ladies and Gentlemen! We hope you enjoy the show! Tonight will be a show house of 21st century songs," boomed the announcer's voice. "Now it's our one and only. Please welcome ladies and Gentlemen...Dalek Caan!"

The curtains parted and a cross-dressing Dalek came hovering out. The crowd stared in awe. The Doctor on the other hand was trying his up most hardest not to laugh. This was even funnier than a Cyberman wearing a banana costume.

Then Dalek Caan's raspy voice echoed throughout the room.

_"Hey! Hey! You! You! _

_I don't like your girlfriend,_

_No Way! No Way!_

_I think you need a new one!"_

_Hey! Hey! You! You!_

_I can be your Girlfriend!"_

The Doctor couldn't breathe. This was so very very funny.

Forget about saving planets and fighting werewolves and the Devil. They weren't that much of a challenge. What really was a challenge was the fact he still hadn't laughed yet. He was holding it in. He didn't want the Dalek to notice him.

Dalek Caan was spinning and twirling along as it sang. It's feather boa flapped lightly as it spun. It was getting into a verse now.

_"Your so Fine,_

_I want you mine,_

_You're so delicious!"_

Dalek Caan made a sound that the Doctor could only guess was the Dalek's attempt at blowing a kiss,

_"I think about you all the time,_

_You're so Addictive!_

_Don't you know what I can do, _

_To make you feel all right?"_

Now it was trying to wink using it's eyepiece. The Doctor bit back a snort.

_"Don't pretend, _

_I think you know,_

_I'm damn precious!_

_And Hell Yeah!_

_I'm a motherfucking princess!_

_I can tell you like me too,_

_And you know I'm right!"_

He was clenching down so hard on his hand, trying...willing himself not to laugh, that he wouldn't have been surprise if he had seen blood. Luckily for him he was only biting down hard enough that his hand was beginning to go numb.

_"She's like so whatever!_

_You can do so much better,_

_I think we should get together now._

_And that's what everyone's talking 'bout!"_

The Dalek was now winking at one of the audience members. Encouraging it to come up on stage. The Doctor was now literally shaking as the Dalek sang though the chorus.

_"I can see the way, _

_See the way,_

_You look at me!"_

The gems on its tiara twinkled in the spotlight. Dalek Caan was slowly circling the member of the audience who the Doctor felt like looked like a BOB.

_"And even when you look away._

_You still think of me,_

_I know you talk about me,_

_Again and Again!"_

Good Old Bob was now trying to get it on with a Dalek.

_"So come over here,_

_And tell me what I want to hear,_

_Better yet,_

_Make your girlfriend_

_Disappear!_

_I don't want to hear you say her name ever again!"_

Bob danced as up close and personal to Caan as he could, fiddling with the pink feather boa. The Doctor laughed out loud ever so slightly, causing him to have the women behind him to shush at him.

_"Cuz' she's like so whatever!_

_You can do so much better,_

_I think we should get together now._

_And that's what everyone's talking 'bout!"_

Dalek Caan was now coming out into the audience. With Bob still dancing up on stage like a man possessed. That is...possessed by Love.

Love for a certain Dalek.

_"Hey! Hey! You! You! _

_I don't like your girlfriend,_

_No Way! No Way!_

_I think you need a new one!"_

_Hey! Hey! You! You!_

_I could be your Girlfriend!"_

Members of the crowd had now gotten out of their seats to start dancing along with the Dalek.

_"Hey! Hey! You! You!_

_I know that you like me!_

_No Way! No Way!_

_No, it's not a secret!_

_Hey! Hey! You! You!_

_I want to be your Girlfriend!"_

Tears were literally coming out of the Doctor's eyes. If there was any way to try and stop laughing he would have used it by now but he wasn't sure if he could hold it in any longer.

_"In a second,_

_You'll be wrapped around my finger,_

_Cuz I can, _

_Cuz I can do it better._

_There's no other,_

_So what's it gonna sink in,_

_She's so stupid,_

_What the hell were you thinking?"_

Dalek Caan was on the other side of the room than the Doctor. Yet it was coming closer by the second. Hopefully, he would be blocked form view by the people dancing in front of him.

_"In a second,_

_You'll be wrapped around my finger,_

_Cuz I can, _

_Cuz I can do it better._

_There's no other,_

_So what's it gonna sink in,_

_She's so stupid,_

_What the hell were you thinking?"_

The Dalek was just a few feet away from him now. Dancing and singing like there was no tomorrow. If this was what sticking a Dalek in the year where karaoke was popular, then imagine what it would be like hippie years or the pogo stick years.

Oh, the pogo stick years. Maybe I should visit them again.

_"Hey! Hey! You! You! _

_I don't like your girlfriend,_

_No Way! No Way!_

_I think you need a new one!"_

_Hey! Hey! You! You!_

_I could be your Girlfriend!"_

The Dalek was now in front of him. Oblivious to the fact that he was the Doctor. The Dalek's number one enemy. It was as if he couldn't remember. Not that the Doctor was complaining. He probably would have been killed by now if he had been recognised. But it was insulting in its own way. He had practically destroyed all of the Daleks, apart from the ones Rose obliterated. Then again that wouldn't have happened if he hadn't been there.

_"Hey! Hey! You! You!_

_I know that you like me!_

_No Way! No Way!_

_No, it's not a secret!_

_Hey! Hey! You! You!_

_I want to be your Girlfriend!"_

Dalek Caan was in full swing mode now. It hovered past him and back up onto the stairs of the stage. The crowd singing along in full swing.

Maybe he should just leave Dalek Caan here. By the looks of it he wasn't doing any harm. Then again why would a Dalek, one of the most feared and hated creatures in the universe, be staring in a show?

The song ended as the crowd roared and clapped it appreciation.

Maybe even a Dalek deserves a second chance. He could always check up every so often to make sure it wasn't killing anyone or changing world events. Or destroying the world for that matter.

It was only 221 more years until karaoke was dragged into the back shelf again. Then if the Dalek hadn't learned anything from humanity then he knew what he had to do.

The applause died down as Dalek Caan began another.

At least for now he could enjoy the entertainment. The Doctor sat down comfortably on his seat as a drink appeared suddenly in his hand. He took a sip before chuckling to himself.

This was going to be one heck of a night.

The End

**AN: I bet you weren't expecting to read about a singing, dancing Dlaek today, now where you? Review if you enjoyed. :)**


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